Fear, Excuses and What the Heck's Holding you Back

I was up next. Pacing behind the stage curtain. Back and forth, back and forth. Listening to my classmate completely annihilate the microphone on the other side of the heavy, dusty curtain, in front of a whole audience of people, who were probably forced to show up there just like my family.

I began to get clammy, fearful and extremely nervous. Then it hit me.

Oh crap! I forgot all the words. Every. Single. One. Did I mention this was a solo performance??

The debilitating fear I was experiencing, led me to believe I knew none of the words I'd spent weeks memorizing.

Fear has the power to convince you you're unworthy and unable to measure up to the task at hand. Fear can be paralyzing and make you feel like you just aren't good enough, that you are a failure.

The actual definition of fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous. Is fear real? Absolutely, but how much of our fears are something we create or assume? How often do you work yourself up over something that scares you (fear) or intimidates you only to find out in the end that it wasn't near as bad?

Was the fear of anticipation or preconceived notions worse than the actual thing itself?

Fear is 100% a perception or belief based on what we aren't willing to open our minds too. Holla!!

Honestly, let that sink in. Sometimes the thing that we are so afraid of, the thing that we allow to hold us back and to settle for mediocrity, are things we assume about the end result. Without even reaching that destination or allowing for that possibility, we have already decided that it will be too hard and throw in the towel. This could be based off of previous experiences or events we have witnessed and taken on as our own. Or maybe it's that you've been stuck for so long, you don't feel like you could possibly pick up the pieces and begin to something new.

Now lets pump the brakes for a quick sec, K? Fear IS real. Don't for one second think that if you are scared, you have failed or are broken. Being scared of heights or the boogie man, the dark or being alone, spiders or snakes is personal to each and every one of us and no one can tell you what you can be or shouldn't be afraid of.

HOWEVER, the fear that I am talking about is when you use fear as an excuse to stay where you are. Let me elaborate using this awesome quote from Rachel Hollis...It's not a  fear of failure that keeps you in this place; it's a fear of what other people will think of your failure.

Say you are afraid to score a promotion or move across the country for an amazing opportunity, that would absolutely be a dream come true, because you don't want to A. Fail and B. Have to deal with the opinions of others and what you'd look like.

You are telling me, you are willing to suffer and sacrifice your dreams and hopes of what you picture your life to look like, over a belief you've created that most likely isn't true at all. In other words, you are giving up before you even try because staying where you are at now, is easier than growing and stepping out of your comfort zone to experience more....That is the fear I am talking about.

Stepping out of your safe place means you become vulnerable. Vulnerability can be a really hard thing and can turn into a permanent road block for those who allow it to be. We have the power and control to choose what influences our life.

Can we control natural disasters that come and level towns or being laid off from a job? Absolutely not. But we have the power to decide how we will respond. We can either use the adversity as an earth shattering event and allow the fear to overwhelm us, OR we can choose to grab life by the horns and control the way we respond and move forward.

Bad things happen ALL the time to people, I will be the first person to tell you, life isn't easy and it kinda sucks sometimes. But allowing fear to bind your wrists and ankles like shackles, to become a prisoner to our belief of fear isn't an acceptable option. We must refuse to allow ourselves to settle for a life that is robotic. A life that when the end is nearing, we look back full of if only I did...

I let fear convince me for 1 minute, that I didn't know what I had practiced for weeks. When in reality, I knew every dang word of every dang lyric and I did just fine on that stage. My perception almost cost me. Now as silly as that analogy was, it can be applied to much bigger situations you may be facing where fear has its death grip on your life and you feel as if you are suffocating.

What would have happened if I let fear win that day or the day I applied for Nursing School, or my first RN job or .... fill in the blank.

Don't you dare, for one second of this all too short life, allow your belief of fear (whatever the situation may be) to stop you from becoming something more.

Something greater.

We are all meant for so much more, you just have to be willing to put the excuses aside and do the dirty work for yourself. No one can motivate and convince you to change but yourself.

Don't let your fear of what could happen, make nothing happen. If you don't try, your answer 100% of the time, will be no.

QUICKIE!! Let the Good Times Roll- 3 tips to rock the rest of your summer!

It's the sweet, sweet (and holy heck, hot as all get out) summertime!! This is my absolute favorite time of year! Getting to be outside, near or in the water, BBQ's, sun tan's, late nights and super awesome company! I just LOVE it!

I feel like summer gets shorter and shorter each year and I really wanted to come up with some quick tips to share with you all to help you enjoy it to the absolute fullest!!!

I love this time of year, like I mentioned, because I feel like it is the perfect time to kick back and get refreshed and reground yourself half way through the year. Set some new goals and reflect on the ones you made 6-7 months ago!

Three tips to rock your summer!!

1) Unplug.
             This is SO important. I saw this awesome meme the other day, it said to put your phone away and make some memories that no one on social media knows about, memories that are just yours. I absolutely agree with this so much! This is the time of year families and friends spend the most time together and if we are buried in our phones, we may miss something incredible. Let's spend some more time out of cell service and away from our phones and just be.

2) Rewind.
              Take a few moments to reflect everything you have gone through and conquered this year so far. I am sure you haven't gotten this far into 2017 without having some curve ball thrown your way or maybe you got to experience the most incredible thing that has ever happened to you. Take a moment to acknowledge those occurrences in your life. Take a moment in gratitude for those things, good or bad. You wouldn't be this strong today without those events. Reflect on your goals you set in January. Are you still working on them? Have you forget about them and fell off the path? It isn't to late to make 2017 amazing.

3) Set forth.
               Make a plan and set some goals for the rest of your summer and 2017. Create a list of things you want to do before Sept 1st and then again by Dec 31st and check them off, actually do them! Don't allow yourself to become stuck. This is your adventure and you can't be disappointed by the results when you didn't make the effort. Don't go the rest of the summer regretting the things you didn't get to do because of excuses! You still have time!!!

Ending thoughts...
As you get older, the years, months, days and even hours go by quicker. Don't fall into a rut and run off of auto pilot. You will wake up one day full of regrets and "I wished I would of's". You have the power!



P.S. If you are out in the heat this weekend, and even if you aren't for that matter, drink your water!!! Nurse's orders!

Happy memory making!

You do you boo!

Such a cliche title right? It seems like everyone is saying that goofy saying, "you do you boo". What does that even mean? Who even came up with that? Well as you know (or maybe you don't) I am about to tell you all about YDYB!

It has been over two years since I have even touched my blog. I have every single intention of getting on here and putting something together but it just never happens. I have so much inspiration and motivation in my head but no time, until now where I am choosing to make more time, because I love blogging.

These past two years have been life changing. I graduated from Nursing school (which I felt would never ever happen in a million years). To top that off I got a job as an RN and have basically been committing myself to taking care of others 24/7. I take care of my sweet family at home, and take care of yours at work. Complaining?? No way! This is 100% my calling and I couldn't even imagine my life now without those experiences. I get so much out of my job. My cup gets full from it but also gets empty. Doesn't make sense?? I will elaborate soon.

I can't even believe I am going to type this. In the fall we will have a kindergartner. I repeat IN THE FALL SHAYLEE WILL BE IN KINDERGARTEN!!!!! I still am so amazed at how fast this has gone. She is so amazing. She is so kind and her heart is so big. She would go 10 extra miles to ensure everyone was happy. She is wise beyond her years and I can't wait to see what life has in store for her.

And of course my amazing husband. Almost 8 years of marriage and 13 years together. We have grown so much and each year I swear our love deepens. I have to say marriage has been one of the best things I have experienced. I get to hang out with my best friend every single day. I am so, so grateful. The past few years have been tough, even though he wouldn't admit it. I finished school, like I mentioned, and that was a hard process. I was gone so much from home studying and working, Jake really stepped up and took over two roles and did it so well and without complaining. Then last year, we had a rough go with Jake's health. We heard words like cancer and diseases we had never heard of. Our prayers were answered when cancer was ruled out but he was diagnosed with a form of hypothyroidism. It took us a while to adjust. From medications to side effects, it wasn't easy. But we grew through what we were going through and are stronger because of it.

Now to get back to my topic! Life has the potential to be so, so amazing and so incredibly hard all at the same time. Basically life sucks and yet is so awesome all at once. We get to choose how we exist. We can't always choose the sucks or awesome portions but we do have control over how we handle it. We choose our reactions to what life throws at us. We have so much power to dictate certain aspects of our lives. This is where some people get it wrong. It is so easy to play the blame game and victimize yourself. No one is taking responsibilities for their actions anymore.

I have come to the point in my life where I want to live every ounce of what I have left enjoying things and being as positive as possible. Negativity in any form has no place. This is part of what I call filling my cup or self care. I know I don't do well around negative people/attitudes etc so I remove myself (or the source) to prevent any sort of derailment from my path. Well, now that I got that rant over with, again lets bring this back around to the topic of self care and putting ourselves first.

As a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister and nurse, I have so many things/thoughts that occupy each and every second of my day. I hold so many roles, like every single one of you. Our lives are made up and revolve around our roles. Of course we are going to feel "pulled" every so often. How we deal with needing to show up 100% for every role is where I want to focus.

In the paragraph above, I mentioned 6 different roles I hold and that's not even all of them. Let's say on average, each of my roles affects 1-6 people at a given time. (Only one of course in my role as a wife, get yo panties outta that wad!). So I am needing to be present for 6-36 people some days. Whose cup wouldn't be empty if they weren't aware of their surroundings, feelings and needs?

I was feeling this pressure about a year ago. I was showing up and giving (what I thought to be) 100% to each of my roles except for the most important one. Myself. I didn't even add it to my list above. I am one of my roles and you are one of yours. I wasn't showing up for me. Until I became aware.

What I am getting at is we can live everyday not being aware of ourselves and what we need deep down. Each of us needs to care for ourselves. I was realizing I was exhausted and unhappy. I needed to become aware, turn my awareness away from the outside and take a moment to be selfish. I realized I really wasn't giving 100% to my other roles because I had literally nothing in my cup.

This is the fun but hard part. It is fun because you get to dig deep into your soul and find what lights it on fire but it is hard because let's be honest... being selfish, putting time aside for you is a sacrifice.We have to find what we enjoy doing, the thing that replenishes our inner most self and do it consistently so we can show up to our other roles.

 For me, what I do to fill my cup is be inspirational to other people (via this blog) and exercise. Doing both of these things requires me to sacrifice some time but to me, it essential for me to live a happy life and show up for what I am called to do. I will refer to filling our cups to self care.

 I absolutely love the meaning of the next quote. "Choose your hard". It is really hard to wake up earlier to fit in time to accomplish your self care. It is really hard to be selfish and put yourself first. HOWEVER, it is also super hard to be unhappy in your skin. It is hard to be filled with depression and anxiety. We have to choose which scenario is harder. Is it harder to sacrifice a little to fill your cup or to live a depleted life?

Ending thoughts (since this post has gone super long), I try to live each and every day to it's fullest potential. You will hardly EVER see me just lounging around at home, because I want to experience everything life has to offer. We are put here for such a short amount of time, why in the world would you spend it in auto pilot, unaware of your surroundings and having anxiety about doing things outside of your comfort zone? It wasn't supposed to be this way or this hard. Choose a different path.

Choose yourself first, choose the path less traveled, choose new experiences, say yes more than no, be selfish once in a while, choose self care, stay up late, wake up early and do you boo!

P.S. I hope each and everyone of you had an amazing 4th of July!

Picture credits of my family go to the lovely Pinecone Photography.

Holistic Logistics

As many of you know, I have been training for the Missoula Half Marathon for the past 8 weeks. I have learned more than I'd ever expected to throughout this journey. I have always been one to look at any situation in it's whole, or holistically. There are many pieces that have to come together in order for someone or something to become whole or one. Factors contributing to this concept can come from the environment or surroundings in which a person populates. Other things like a person's past and the path they've already walked adds pieces to this puzzle. Death, life and sickness also can affect how one sees themselves in a holistic manner.

As you can see, there are many, many different concepts that have to come together in order for a person to be who they are. Sometimes, a person decides to alter their perception and take charge of their life. Others, are completely unaware of who they've become or how they act and are like a leaf in the river, just allowing things to happen and relinquishing all control to the force of the river. When you begin to take control over your life, you are giving permission to yourself/mind/body to feel happiness. There are not a whole lot of chances to make excuses anymore because we are in control of choices and things we want changed. On the other hand, when you've given up all hope in yourself, and allow the 'river control over your leaf,' you may feel as a paralyzed prisoner, trapped with no ability to escape.

In both scenarios listed above, there are always chances for heartbreak, misfortune and unfair treatment. Unfortunately, this is part of life and there is only one Person (God) who is in 100% control over our lives, and we all know the saying, Life isn't fair.

A huge component of learning to view ourselves and others holistically is being mindful. I found a great definition for mindfulness if you are unfamiliar. Mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. This has become an invaluable trait I've learned and practice daily. To pause in a moment of distress and take a few deep breaths and begin again has saved countless hours of frustration, blame and sorrow.

I challenge you, if you've never been one to look at things (or situations that may arise in your life, good or bad) in a holistic manner, taking into account all aspects, start doing so today. Be present in the moment, allow yourself to feel emotions and then choose a path. It is physically, mentally and emotionally impossible to live a positive life while having a negative mindset. We all choose how we want to perceive things, no one does this for you!

I started this out talking about my decision to run 13.1 miles on July 12th and what I've learned thus far. Running is much, much more than putting your hair up and lacing up some shoes. It is a constant battle between your body and your brain and you must figure out which voice you'll listen too. It is a battle between waking up at 6 am to run before your family awakes or sleeping in. It is a battle between drinking an ungodly amount of water everyday or opting for something like sweet tea or a fountain soda. I've learned to channel negative thoughts while running and focus on a bigger picture. If I find I'm struggling with this, a quick crank up of Pandora will surly fix any negativity.

My point throughout this whole post is that we all have control and make our own choices. I can choose to wake up, have a great day, be positive, healthy and practice mindfulness or I can choose to be quick to blame, find every reason in the book to feel sorry for myself, swear I'm all alone and that no one cares. One decision, one mindset change is all it takes to make or break the day.

Practice being mindful and having a holistic outlook and see how your world will change!

And the beat goes on...

It is amazing to me how much I've learned about myself in the last year. I have found a confidence that was once hidden and a voice that had been silenced for so long. We are not given many chances to experience life, especially if we are stuck in a routine and don't deviate to other paths.  Get up, go to work/school, go to bed, rinse and repeat. Some folks do this for 80+ years and call it a life. But was it?  You are given one shot at this world, was what you made of it worth it?

I have learned, this past year especially, that you are the only person who can be the director of your life. Sure, circumstances influence what happens to us, people come and go but, we are ultimately the directors. I can choose to wake up and have a terrible day and I can also choose to have a fantastic day. I can choose how the words of others affect me. Not one person can make us feel a certain way, it's us allowing them to have that control in our lives. Life is too short to allow others to dictate your feelings.

I have found the confidence to not allow others to have a say in how I feel. I have found the voice to be different. I don't always have to agree with what others are saying and that's okay. We shouldn't be agreeable to everything and not question others. How else are we supposed to learn or grow? The voice that I found has allowed me to share my thoughts and opinions when I disagree with something, but doing it in a respectful and tactful way.

If I have learned one thing in nursing school, it would be to really, really live day to day. Not taking things for granted and living in the moment.

I am somewhat "Type A" in that I make lots of lists. I make lists of lists and then redo them again. I would write down everything that needed to be done by next week and get totally flustered and extremely stressed. Only when  I learned to focus on one day at a time, did I truly feel at ease and could be present for other things and not be so chaotically stressed.

The truth is, life isn't easy...I know that's extremely cliche but hear me out. Life isn't always fair and it gets tough almost as much as it doesn't. The problem with the people of 2014, is that we all walk around acting like this place owes us something. We get disappointed a lot due to this type of thinking.  If we continue to live our lives thinking people owe us something, or that bad things may happen so lets live in a bubble, are we getting the most of what our one life has to offer? If we live our lives worried, stressed and ignorant will we be satisfied when the day is done and the sun is gone?
When we quit blaming others for our unsuccessful attempts and we stop looking at every bad thing that has happened to us in the last 24 hours, does not our outlook change? When all the bad isn't given the acknowledgement it wants, are we not left with a silver lining? I saw a post a while back that said something like, stop complaining for 24 hours and see the changes your life will undergo.

This world continues to move on whether we are focusing on the bad things that may or may not happen or whether we are seeking, always, that silver lining. How you spend the 86,400 seconds we are given in a day is truly yours to choose. It will go by just the same when we are happy as when we are sad. Do not fall into a routine that you don't veer from for 70 years and as the sun goes down on your last day, call it a good life.
Truly focus your attention on doing what you love, pursing every dream imaginable, seeking happiness and surrounding yourself with the ones you love most.

Find that confidence to know what you want and pursue it fiercely. Allow the voice within you to speak and not just agree. The beat goes on whether we want it to or not.

Find what makes you happy and pursue it!

Out with the old, in with the new...

As you probably have noticed (or maybe not), my blog has a totally new look. I have changed basically everything, even the name. I feel like I created this blog for a reason that isn't there any longer. I am not tied down to a devastation in my life anymore nor do I want to go back there. I am excited to brighten things up a bit!

I also decided to change the name. Life, Love and Things Between still is an important aspect of this blog. Learning to do life together more versus trying to do it all alone is still a goal, and trying to love as deep as the ocean is also a great thing. But I wasn't focusing on the "Things Between" portion. Many times I've started blog posts and ended up deleting them because I felt as if they didn't fit into what I was trying to make this blog about. SO, I changed the name to La Dee Dah (LDD). LDD to me means, I am human, I am trying to live this life to the best of my ablity, yes I'll screw up but it's not the end. LDD means laughter and fun, silly randoms and memories.

I was taking myself to seriously and I have realized that life is too short to always be serious. I have begun to stop and notice the small things (another posting on this in the future). The importance of seeing vs looking is an incredible thing to discover. Some of us live our lives on auto pilot and miss out on so many things and opportunities.

As we were cleaning my father in laws house today and decluttering it, it dawned on me, we have the power to introduce and promote happiness in our lives. Some of us need to work on decluttering our own lives. Whether it be literal or figurative. Decluttering our "friends" is something we could all benefit from and getting rid of all the negativity that will suck you dry. This has helped me so much in my own life. Other peoples negativity began to be like a disease in acquired and it was wearing me out. I was no longer going to let other people have rein over my happiness in this short life.

I saw this powerful quote by Eleanor Roosevelt- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Truth is... I was letting people have that control, until I consciously decided they no longer had that ability.

May this leave you with a bit of hope that you truly have the power and control over the amount of happiness and joy enter your life (besides the occasional inevitable things). Only you have the power to rid the old and go seek the new! It may change your life forever!
Find what makes you happy and pursue it!

A year later.....

It is truly amazing how much things can change in a year.
We grow, gain new perspective, gain new friends and even loose some.

This past year has been one of the hardest year yet. I have come along way and have learned so much more about myself and what direction I want to go in.

I have learned that life is something precious but very easily taken for granted. It gets easy, in our busy routines, to put ourselves on cruise control and just go full speed ahead. We tend to miss certain signs and bypass important things.

This last year has taught me that I can't allow my fears to outweigh my faith. There were many, many times that I talked myself out of reality and was convinced of those "worst case scenarios". It was a very dark and lonely time.

Until now, when I can look back and say that what I thought was the "rock bottom" of pain, hurt and absolute destruction, was actually the biggest growing point in my life.

Easter is usually a very happy joyful time. Where pictures with the Easter Bunny are a must, Easter Egg Hunts are held all over town and is a great time to get together with those you love. This Easter, although I am much more content than last year, I am still saddened and left with a small empty space in my heart.

Last Easter, as many know, we lost our precious baby in a tragic miscarriage. I still get teary eyed thinking about the pain we endured.
I was truly amazed how many people cared about how I was doing. I truly could not have made it without all the support I had.

There is a place in my heart that will ALWAYS be empty from a second child that was supposed to fill it.

Now I don't want this to be a sob story, but possibly give a glimpse of hope. I lost a child on a day that symbolizes so many positive things. A day that represents the resurrection of Christ. This to me meant a new beginning and that it truly was. This to me has helped me heal and come to terms. Now it has taken me a year to get to this point and I am sure next year, I will have grown even more. Ever expecting a mother who has lost a child to "heal" is 100% not going to happen and if you think this, you may have never been through this pain. Although it may not be a consuming thought, it is still there in their hearts and still hurts.

The moral of this posting is to show that even though we have gone through something so terrible, doesn't mean my life is defined by my adversaries. I feel I have more love in my heart for my husband and child, I have a passion to finish nursing school and help others heal.

New beginnings and fresh starts aren't always a bad thing and could begin to show you who you really are and what your purpose is.
This Easter, I pray that you strive to be a better you, have a fresh start even and just live life to the fullest everyday because tomorrow certainly isn't promised.

I am doing much better. I am a stronger woman than I was a year ago, and I know this was the way it was supposed to go. Plus I figured out that writing is an amazing healing mechanism for me and I love my neglected blog so very much!