After yesterday's post, the thoughts just kept flooding in on the topic of being a mom and what it means. So I guess you can say this is a continuation or part 2.
Today, I had my whole day planned out. We would wake up, do the normal routine and then put Shaylee down for a nap around 11:30 ish. Welp!! Little Shaylee had other plans for nap time.
She is still in a crib and the space between the bars isn't all that large and I've never thought about really picking up her room before she takes a nap because the second she wakes up, Hurricane Shaylee would hit again.
After about 30 min of talking to herself instead of sleeping, I hear her banging 2 blocks together. So I decide I better go in a take her toys away so she could focus on what was important at this time... a NAP!!! Another 30 min goes by and I hear those blocks again. I have NO clue how in the world she got her little hands on another set of blocks but I'm now convinced she strategically places blocks around her crib to play with rather than napping. So I take those blocks away and she lays back down. A little while later, 12:40pm to be exact, I hear her jumping in her crib. I have to be at a work meeting by 1:30pm. So I made an executive decision and 86'ed the idea of her taking a nap so we could get ready to leave.
Have you ever taken a child out in a public setting who really needed a nap but didn't get one?
The meeting was quick and painless. Walmart.. ..wasn't. (then again when is walmart ever an easy experience??)
My child was a basket case!! And I am practically running through the store to get what we needed and get the heck out of there. I see other moms with children shoot me that sympathetic "OHH I've been there and I get it" look.
We survived Wally world and got home, praise the LORD!! As things slowed down, Shaylee was ready to surrender to the idea of a nap. I always rock her for a few min before I take her to her room. As I rock her she starts to sing, "Rock-a-bye baby" in her little voice. All of my frustration and exhaustion is immediately thrown out the window and a tear pools in my eye.
No matter how much our children frustrate, exhaust, and tempt us... we love them. We love them when they rip open the box of granola bars and spill them all over the floor in Walmart. We love them when they take off all their clothes during "nap time" and pee all over their sheets. We love them when they get their greasy little hands all over the tv. And we love them when they bring the cat to you by it's back legs.
We love them. We will always love them.
One thing I will make very known and clear in my relationship with Shaylee and other children that may bless us in the future, is no matter what situation you're in, no matter where you are (even if I said you weren't allowed), no matter who you're with, I will come get you and I will always love you.
Unconditional love is something any mother feels for her child. Nothing your child does will make you stop loving them.
As we rocked and sang "Rock-a-bye baby" together, I looked in her big blue eyes and felt none of my earlier frustrations, but pure, unconditional love.
As I laid her down for her nap (the successful one), I bent down and kissed her head and told her I'd always love her. In her sweet innocence she replies, "love you too".
My world is complete!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
It is enough
I have written down so many thoughts and ideas for another blog posting that I've drove myself crazy. I try to not just ramble in my posts but to actually have a point to my blog. I jot down little ideas here and there in the little notebook in my purse and then once I sit down to write about it I end up erasing the entire posting and shutting my laptop in frustration.
There has been quite a few things going on lately in my life that has kept me away from writing in my blog for a while and today I finally put my foot down and am going to write whether it hits home or not :).
The thing that has been on my mind the most though is motherhood. There are days when I get off of work at 11pm and get home just exhausted. In my winding down process, sleep doesn't bless me with her presence until 12:00 or even 12:30am. My sweet child wakes up bright and early and sits patiently (sometimes) in her room entertaining herself with her blankets and innocent voice. Somedays I have to literally dig deep to find any energy to get out from under the covers and make my way to her room and start my day. Once I find the energy to get up and make it to her door, I open it to see her fuzzy, bed head hair and a great big smile. Shaylee has no idea how much convincing my body needed to get out of bed or how much I needed that first cup of coffee. Her innocence is radient.
I pick her up and brush her crazy hair out of her face and kiss her sleepy cheeks. As she runs down the hall asking if Minnie is on, I step into the kitchen and desperatly reach for my coffee cup and start up the coffee pot.
As we eat breakfast and watch minnie, I start to mentally plan out what I need to get done before work. Laundry, dishes, clean cat box and send out a few bills. As I take note, I look over to Shaylee and she has oatmeal packed in her cheeks staring at the tv. She has no idea the stresses that life brings. She doesn't see me looking at our bank account wondering how we can make what's left last til the next pay check. She doesn't see me making dinner for her tummy, and kissing her boo boo's on her knees. She doesn't see me brushing her hair into little pony tails.
Looking at her profile as she chews her breakfast and is enjoying minnie, her beautiful outlook of life hits me. She doesn't know the big picture she just trusts that mommy and daddy provide for her.
No matter how tired or frustrated I may be, Shaylee just see's mommy and that is enough. She doesn't know the baggage I have or my times of despair. All she see's is that I am her mommy and to her, that is enough. She'll never know the love I have for her until one day when she becomes a mommy herself.
Being a mommy means being 100% selfless and devoted. It isn't something I think about, it is just in my nature. Even on my worst days, when things just aren't going right and I am one big hot mess, in Shaylee's innocence, it is enough.
So when I am covering up her sleepy body with her blankies and lean over to kiss her, and when I forget to fill her sippy cup before we go to the store, and when I sit on the floor next to the tub while she plays an extra 10 min in the water... it is enough.
Even though she doesn't see, it is enough..
There has been quite a few things going on lately in my life that has kept me away from writing in my blog for a while and today I finally put my foot down and am going to write whether it hits home or not :).
The thing that has been on my mind the most though is motherhood. There are days when I get off of work at 11pm and get home just exhausted. In my winding down process, sleep doesn't bless me with her presence until 12:00 or even 12:30am. My sweet child wakes up bright and early and sits patiently (sometimes) in her room entertaining herself with her blankets and innocent voice. Somedays I have to literally dig deep to find any energy to get out from under the covers and make my way to her room and start my day. Once I find the energy to get up and make it to her door, I open it to see her fuzzy, bed head hair and a great big smile. Shaylee has no idea how much convincing my body needed to get out of bed or how much I needed that first cup of coffee. Her innocence is radient.
I pick her up and brush her crazy hair out of her face and kiss her sleepy cheeks. As she runs down the hall asking if Minnie is on, I step into the kitchen and desperatly reach for my coffee cup and start up the coffee pot.
As we eat breakfast and watch minnie, I start to mentally plan out what I need to get done before work. Laundry, dishes, clean cat box and send out a few bills. As I take note, I look over to Shaylee and she has oatmeal packed in her cheeks staring at the tv. She has no idea the stresses that life brings. She doesn't see me looking at our bank account wondering how we can make what's left last til the next pay check. She doesn't see me making dinner for her tummy, and kissing her boo boo's on her knees. She doesn't see me brushing her hair into little pony tails.
Looking at her profile as she chews her breakfast and is enjoying minnie, her beautiful outlook of life hits me. She doesn't know the big picture she just trusts that mommy and daddy provide for her.
No matter how tired or frustrated I may be, Shaylee just see's mommy and that is enough. She doesn't know the baggage I have or my times of despair. All she see's is that I am her mommy and to her, that is enough. She'll never know the love I have for her until one day when she becomes a mommy herself.
Being a mommy means being 100% selfless and devoted. It isn't something I think about, it is just in my nature. Even on my worst days, when things just aren't going right and I am one big hot mess, in Shaylee's innocence, it is enough.
So when I am covering up her sleepy body with her blankies and lean over to kiss her, and when I forget to fill her sippy cup before we go to the store, and when I sit on the floor next to the tub while she plays an extra 10 min in the water... it is enough.
Even though she doesn't see, it is enough..
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