It is enough

I have written down so many thoughts and ideas for another blog posting that I've drove myself crazy. I try to not just ramble in my posts but to actually have a point to my blog. I jot down little ideas here and there in the little notebook in my purse and then once I sit down to write about it I end up erasing the entire posting and shutting my laptop in frustration.

There has been quite a few things going on lately in my life that has kept me away from writing in my blog for a while and today I finally put my foot down and am going to write whether it hits home or not :).

The thing that has been on my mind the most though is motherhood. There are days when I get off of work at 11pm and get home just exhausted. In my winding down process, sleep doesn't bless me with her presence until 12:00 or even 12:30am. My sweet child wakes up bright and early and sits patiently (sometimes) in her room entertaining herself with her blankets and innocent voice. Somedays I have to literally dig deep to find any energy to get out from under the covers and make my way to her room and start my day. Once I find the energy to get up and make it to her door, I open it to see her fuzzy, bed head hair and a great big smile. Shaylee has no idea how much convincing my body needed to get out of bed or how much I needed that first cup of coffee. Her innocence is radient.

I pick her up and brush her crazy hair out of her face and kiss her sleepy cheeks. As she runs down the hall asking if Minnie is on, I step into the kitchen and desperatly reach for my coffee cup and start up the coffee pot.

As we eat breakfast and watch minnie, I start to mentally plan out what I need to get done before work. Laundry, dishes, clean cat box and send out a few bills. As I take note, I look over to Shaylee and she has oatmeal packed in her cheeks staring at the tv. She has no idea the stresses that life brings. She doesn't see me looking at our bank account wondering how we can make what's left last til the next pay check. She doesn't see me making dinner for her tummy, and kissing her boo boo's on her knees. She doesn't see me brushing her hair into little pony tails.

Looking at her profile as she chews her breakfast and is enjoying minnie, her beautiful outlook of life hits me. She doesn't know the big picture she just trusts that mommy and daddy provide for her.

No matter how tired or frustrated I may be, Shaylee just see's mommy and that is enough. She doesn't know the baggage I have or my times of despair. All she see's is that I am her mommy and to her, that is enough. She'll never know the love I have for her until one day when she becomes a mommy herself.
Being a mommy means being 100% selfless and devoted. It isn't something I think about, it is just in my nature. Even on my worst days, when things just aren't going right and I am one big hot mess, in Shaylee's innocence, it is enough.

So when I am covering up her sleepy body with her blankies and lean over to kiss her, and when I forget to fill her sippy cup before we go to the store, and when I sit on the floor next to the tub while she plays an extra 10 min in the water... it is enough.

Even though she doesn't see, it is enough..