A year later.....

It is truly amazing how much things can change in a year.
We grow, gain new perspective, gain new friends and even loose some.

This past year has been one of the hardest year yet. I have come along way and have learned so much more about myself and what direction I want to go in.

I have learned that life is something precious but very easily taken for granted. It gets easy, in our busy routines, to put ourselves on cruise control and just go full speed ahead. We tend to miss certain signs and bypass important things.

This last year has taught me that I can't allow my fears to outweigh my faith. There were many, many times that I talked myself out of reality and was convinced of those "worst case scenarios". It was a very dark and lonely time.

Until now, when I can look back and say that what I thought was the "rock bottom" of pain, hurt and absolute destruction, was actually the biggest growing point in my life.

Easter is usually a very happy joyful time. Where pictures with the Easter Bunny are a must, Easter Egg Hunts are held all over town and is a great time to get together with those you love. This Easter, although I am much more content than last year, I am still saddened and left with a small empty space in my heart.

Last Easter, as many know, we lost our precious baby in a tragic miscarriage. I still get teary eyed thinking about the pain we endured.
I was truly amazed how many people cared about how I was doing. I truly could not have made it without all the support I had.

There is a place in my heart that will ALWAYS be empty from a second child that was supposed to fill it.

Now I don't want this to be a sob story, but possibly give a glimpse of hope. I lost a child on a day that symbolizes so many positive things. A day that represents the resurrection of Christ. This to me meant a new beginning and that it truly was. This to me has helped me heal and come to terms. Now it has taken me a year to get to this point and I am sure next year, I will have grown even more. Ever expecting a mother who has lost a child to "heal" is 100% not going to happen and if you think this, you may have never been through this pain. Although it may not be a consuming thought, it is still there in their hearts and still hurts.

The moral of this posting is to show that even though we have gone through something so terrible, doesn't mean my life is defined by my adversaries. I feel I have more love in my heart for my husband and child, I have a passion to finish nursing school and help others heal.

New beginnings and fresh starts aren't always a bad thing and could begin to show you who you really are and what your purpose is.
This Easter, I pray that you strive to be a better you, have a fresh start even and just live life to the fullest everyday because tomorrow certainly isn't promised.

I am doing much better. I am a stronger woman than I was a year ago, and I know this was the way it was supposed to go. Plus I figured out that writing is an amazing healing mechanism for me and I love my neglected blog so very much!